i wonder how people describe me when they’re talking about me to someone who’s never met me
*wakes up from coma*
mom: great now that you’re awake you can do those chores i asked you to do
As a queer guy I get a confidence boost from republicans insinuating that my mere existence has the power to destroy a country
that’s the spirit
one time I overslept and my mom came into my room to wake me up and said “you had better get up or else you’ll be rushing”. I wanted to say “if I’m rushing then so be it” but since I was still half asleep my mind changed “rushing” to “Russian”, I rolled over and said “if I’m Russian, soviet” and to this day it’s the best joke I’ve ever made
A gameshow that forces male nerds into the unnecessarily sexualized outfits female video game characters have that they defend as “practical,” and then makes them do agility training
this had sixty notes last night
My mum’s friends at work are having a baby and their last name is watts so they were trying work out a name for it, i suggested 60 and they both looked confused so i said maybe 20 would suit them better
my sister just tried to ask me if i wanted to go to bed but instead it came out “Do you need to use the sleep?”
and then she just kinda looked really horrified at herself and whispered
"Maybe i need to use the sleep"
After Fred died George developed a line of Cheering Chocolates, Nightmare Nougat and Memory Mallow for himself and others with PTSD.
Eventually he expanded the line to Safe Silent Sparklers for those with sound sensitivities or triggers and Trigger Talismans which vibrate and block out sound when a trigger is said so that the wearer can leave.
HEADCANON SIGNED, SEALED, DELIVERED, AND ACCEPTED.